"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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