he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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