I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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