Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
