I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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