I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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