everyone is single if you try hard enough
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just sent this text using only my big toe
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
