I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
