Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
