I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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