quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize