I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
