PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
