You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize