Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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