look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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