Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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