i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You are the jesus of drinking
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
