I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
