my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your penis caused this!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
