If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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