just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize