You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
