Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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