I want to make a zoo with you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
