ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
