He disabled his match.com account in front of me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
