If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Small penises have feelings too.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
