She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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