Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
