she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize