I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize