i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
