just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
