things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
worst night to have a conscience
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
