The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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