When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
