Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
