By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
