Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
