theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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