Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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