Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
