Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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