Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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