My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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