So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
