it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
