If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
