My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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