You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
