He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
