Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
