okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
