New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
