every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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