it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
