No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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