3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
