I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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