People with herpes should wear stickers.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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