I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
