you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
