just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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