when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
