I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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