What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
