TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
