God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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